INEVITABLE and IMPOSSIBLE?
It's easy to think that...
so many of the negative emotions and consequences of divorce are inevitable.
Why?
Because so many divorced couples do not escape them.
All too many spouses cannot communicate effectively and are too entrenched in “divorce positions” to truly explore and negotiate acceptable solutions in a healthy and dignified way. The divorce process is designed to resolve the DISPUTE, but not the true CONFLICT between the couple. Couples continue in conflict years, sometimes decades, after the dispute has long been settled.
As a bonus, this atmosphere of conflict and rancor encourages the people around you to become “negative advocates” , offering a constant stream of angry, negative rhetoric about your spouse/partner, your lawyer, the process - take your pick.
As if conflict resolution wasn't difficult enough. But wait - there is more! Because of all of these emotions swirling and the extreme positions taken, you end up fighting more over less - THAT COSTS MORE MONEY.
Consequently, people stumble into divorce litigation angry, bitter, uncommunicative and uneducated as to all other options. And because the system encourages doubling down (pressing, hammer back, upping the ante) legally,, emotionally and financially, they inevitably stumble out far worse than you entered.
And then there is the effect on your kids if you have them. Inevitable...? Hardly.
NONE those are inevitable.
All of those are CHOICES. You are, of course, welcome to them if you wish. but make no mistake - you can refuse any or all of these inevitables. Take your pick...extreme conflict is not inevitable in divorce. Ongoing anger, resentment and bitterness are not inevitable. Decimation of the marital estate by legal fees in not inevitable. Children do not inevitably endure unhealthy and unbalanced behavior of their parents during divorce. Former spouses do not inevitably carry anger for years after the divorce.
My purpose is to support clients in embracing what seems timpossible – a healthy divorce, one where the past stays in the past, children are protected, spouses communicate effectively and with candor and respect, and people move forward with a vision for their future, their very best selves intact and in charge, and an effective and respectful co-parenting relationship going forward.
This result is not impossible. I've seen it. In my own lives, and the lives of my clients. I chose to divorce differently. They chose to divorce differently. And so can you. That's why I'm in business - to help you divorce differently.
