WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
"I'm getting a divorce...now what?"
In many cases, divorce is not a choice in the sense of the word as we understand it.
In some cases, the choice has been made by the other spouse. In other cases, the circumstances and/or behaviors of the spouse(s) make continuation of the relationship impossible going forward. Thus, the only choice is to end the marriage relationship. Either way, the choice is not one made with great reflection, consideration, or deliberation. Instead, spouses are caught by surprise, completely off-guard, and experience a rush of fear and anxiety.
They are now part of a process they do not really want and surely do not understand. And, if they have understanding, much of it is through stories they have heard from friends and relatives, horror stories in the media, and bits and pieces gleaned from overhearing others recount their own experiences. Whatever the case, what clients don’t know that they don’t know causes the most stress, anguish, and poor decision-making.
The role of a divorce coach is crucial to any spouse caught in these circumstances.
A divorce coach (in addition to being a licensed attorney) can support a client in this situation by:
Educating the client about the divorce process
Creating financial awareness
Understanding which “experts” the client might consult
Developing a list of questions for the experts
Creating the conversation about divorce with children
Identifying true interests and goals
Understanding how emotions affect thinking, actions, and decisions
Creating a plan for self-care and self-responsibility
Looking forward to life beyond divorce
It is perfectly normal to have fear and anxiety about the divorce process. It is normal to have little or no knowledge of the process. It is therefore understandable that a client will dwell upon what happened that led to their current situation and the emotions they experience due to these circumstances. That is what we call the story of divorce.
Staying in the story will not resolve the situation.
