In many cases, divorce is not a choice in the sense of the word was we understand it. In some cases, the choice has been made by the other spouse. In other cases, the circumstances and/or behaviors of the spouse(s) make continuation of the relationship impossible going forward. Thus, the only choice is to end the marriage relationship. Either way, the choice is not one made with great reflection, consideration or deliberation. Instead, spouses are caught by surprise, completely off-guard, and experience a rush of fear and anxiety.
They are now part of a process they do not really want and surely do not understand. And, if they have understanding, much of it is through stories they have heard from friends and relatives, horror stories in the media, and bits and pieces gleaned from overhearing others recount their own experiences. Whatever the case, what clients don’t know that they don’t know cause the most stress, anguish, and poor decision making.
The role of a divorce coach is crucial to any spouse caught in these circumstances. A divorce coach (in addition to being a licensed attorney) can support a client in this situation by:
• Educating the client about the divorce process
• Creating financial awareness
• Understanding which “experts” the client might consult
• Developing a list of questions for the experts
• Creating the conversation about divorce with children
• Identifying true interests and goals
• Understanding who emotions affect thinking, actions and decisions
• Creating a plan for self care and self responsibility
• Looking forward to life beyond divorce
It is perfectly normal to have fear and anxiety about the divorce process. It is normal to have little of any knowledge of the process. It is therefore understandable that a client will dwell upon what happened that led to their current situation and the emotions they experience due to these circumstances. That is what we call the story of divorce. Staying in the story will not resolve the situation.
In short, a divorce coach helps the client go from the story of divorce to the business of divorce.